Good evening! I have had a dreadful sinus infection for a while, and finally got some antibiotics last week and am starting to feel EVER so much better. This brings me to this evening’s musings – about vulnerability and living with TTM.
I have been pull and pick free (I both pull my hair and pick my skin) for many years, with only one major lapse (after the death of my Dad, which was uncharted territory). One of the main tools I have come to understand and develop, is to be deeply aware of what makes me vulnerable to pulling/picking impulses. Here’s a brief list so you get the idea!
When I am physically run-down or sick
When I have ragged sleep patterns for several days
When I have unresolved emotional conflict
Today, these are my three main triggers. The list used to be far longer when I was first starting on my pathway to recovery – things like boredom, general tiredness, too much sugar or caffeine, repressed anger, unexpressed need, being too busy, not knowing how to de-stress, stuff like that.
So here’s what has changed – today I can handle all those items that are no longer on my list because I practiced learning to process through them, learned to address the needs, without moving into unwanted behavior! For example, when I am bored, I know it and acknowledge that I am feeling this way – and then I make a decision on what I need to get motivated to do. Sometimes it’s as simple as taking a few deep breaths, shaking my hands, and taking a walk or talking to a friend. Or doodling, or bringing out a craft project to work on.
So the point of this post is to say this:
If we practice new behavioral and emotional coping strategies, over time, and work to alter how we approach and think about this process, we really do rewire our nervous systems to engage in new and healthier patterns. I am living proof, as are many, many others.
Regretfully it is not an easy path, but the wonderful thing is it is well worth the work.
I guess I realized that I had two choices: I could practice, or I could NOT practice. If I didn’t become willing to practice it was pretty darn certain that nothing would change. Thus, I chose to practice.
Not sure why I felt like writing about this, but I did, so here it is!
Much love, Christina
6 Comments
Really enjoyed this article. Thank you. x
This is excellent! i know exactly how you feel. I love your site. Im starting to believe i need to end caffeine.
I sometimes think boredom is my main struggle with TTM. But who knows… keep up the good work.
xoxoxoxox nikki love
Hi Christina,
Wow, you’ve come a long way since the early days of TLC in Santa Cruz. I guess living with trich will always be a struggle.
I am going to be fifty soon, which means I have been living with it for 43 years now. A few years back I decided to just embrace it and accept that I would not be who I am without having lived with it for so long. Sure I wish I had never heard of it at all let alone engaged in the behavior for so long. Now I just accept it has a gift.
A few years back at school, one of my first graders had bald patches all over his head, I spoke to the parents about it and gave them information about TLC, then I just started wearing my wig less and less. Now, I start each year letting my calss and their parents know that I am bald and it is not to due to cancer or any other disease, if they want to know mre they can ask me privately.
I frequently wear only a hat to school, out of consideration for the little ones who are uncomfortable with a bald women. I have found that people are very accepting of me and it is very freeing not to feel like I had to hide it for the sake of others.
After so many years of damaging my hair follicles, I have found that my hair will never grow back in some areas, like the top of my head, so I just shave my head. I wear a hat to keep the sun off and still wear my wig on occasion, like church or some days at school.
I got a scare back when my daughters were teens, both started to pull for a brief time, but thankfully left it behind. The girls are now both in their twenties and trich free.
The oldest had a problem with cutting for awhile, but thankfully, she outgrew that too with lots of love and help.
So glad to see you looking so good and doing so well. I think of you fro time to time but never seem to get out to Santa Cruz to see you.
Take Care,
Carolyn
Dearest Carolyn, thank you so much for posting! It truly means the world to me to hear from you, and sounds like you have a lot of peace. I do too, and I just keep at this work so that younger people never go through the endless years of suffering. Love Christina
…indeed at the end it will depend upon your will.solutions are sometimes simple but the discipline to really do them is the hardest part…thanks.great post