Good morning World!
I am working hard to remember that I have a blog, and want to post as often as I can. I have to smile, because it really means learning a new pattern, in the midst of a very busy life. Which is what recovery is all about!
I wrote the following in response to a query on one of TLC’s online listserves about how does one recover and is it even possible. This is what I posted:
” Hi there, just to give some words of encouragement – I have stopped pulling and picking, with very little behavior (one small slip when my Dad died) during the past ten years. And – I come from a life where I used to pull / pick an average of 2-6 hours per day, for almost 23 years.
What did it take to stop? Honestly, a lot of work.
Has it been worth it? Absolutely. Today I am free of being controlled by unconscious urges, and if an impulse DOES happen to emerge, I know how to respond so I don’t have to engage in the behavior. I am more self-aware, healthy, and centered than I used to be.
Is it perfect? No, because I need to maintain a certain willingness and awareness. But this is such a small price to pay for having clear skin and a full head of hair. Which I have today!!!
How did I do it? I am actually working on writing the long form, but to break it down here, this is what I did.
1) Realized it was not my fault, and I had no need to feel ashamed. It is a real condition, and I didn’t ask for it, I just got it. For WHATEVER reason.
2) Came to understand that although it is not my fault, it IS my responsibility, as no-one else can feel my nervous system like I can. Thus, I needed to make a decision on how I was going to approach the problem.
3) Decided that I had two choices. I could practice new behavior, throwing away the concept of “why me?”and inviting more positive things into my patterns, or I could choose to continue to do things the way I had always done them – with bad results.
4) Really took the time to educate myself. Learned all about the various cognitive behavioral methods that are in all the books – like Dr. Penzel’s book and many others, not all on trich.
5) Did self-monitoring for 4 months, as average of five days a week. I learned SO much about myself, my patterns, and my responses to situations, whether it was being PMS, being tired, or whatever.
6) Took prozac to moderate my depression – it didn’t help my pulling, but it enabled me to lift the depression I had experienced since childhood so I could stay motivated with my practice of all the tools I had learned from others, and developed on my own.
7) Did a LOT of self-awareness training, so I could feel the impulses before my hands would even move. Took a long time, but it IS possible. Practiced various meditations and relaxation techniques, and made quite a few up!
Learned that if I expressed myself in appropriate ways, and learned to set good boundaries, I was less likely to be triggered. Self care became a huge part of the process.
9) Decided that I was willing to accept that this might take my whole lifetime, as I had already pulled and picked for over two decades with no relief. So what did I have to lose? I could either keep living the way I was, which was in misery, or I could begin to practice.
10) Learned not to beat myself up when I did pull – came to realize that we DO pull and pick on the road to recovery, or most of us do. So learning to be gentle was a big part of the process.
11) Learned to measure my recovery not by whether I had pulled or picked, but by how fast I got back on track, how little I berated myself, how much I was able to congratulate myself.
12) Today I live with the full understanding that yes, it could come back at any time. Today, this way of life has become an opportunity for self-growth, centeredness and awareness training. Today, I am ready, have the tools I need and the commitment to use them. What I have found over time is that the more willing I am to be ready, the less I am triggered. Kind of a catch 22!
The good news is there really are pathways out of being controlled by compulsive behavior. The bad news is it takes time and commitment and practice. But then, to be good at anything usually does!
Some people do find things that also help chemically, but I always suggest making sure to do the practice anyway, as this is how we build new pathways in the brain that can last beyond the substance or medication.”
Love to all, Christina
7 Comments
Thank you for the positive and relayable tips! Was much needed!
thanks 4 the encouragement i know all is possible with God who gives me strength. but its so nice to hear from someone whos actually overcome this thing!
I have been taking NAC since the study findings were publicized and find my pulling has almost stopped. However, for the past several months I am experiencing pain in both shoulders. I wonder if this is due to 50 years of having my hands on my head. Have you heard og this problem in others?
Dearest Marcia, great to hear from you, and even better to get a hug last week! The answer to your question is TTM can definitely contribute to musculo-skeletal complications. Tendonitis, etc. from the repetitive behavior. And if you are prone to arthritis anyway, it just exacerbates everything. Love oodles, Christina
Wow Christina,
I am amazed . . . after a significant episode over the past summer I feel I have beaten myself with all the plucking. I didn’t even know I had a diagnosed condition. I have been plucking since I was in high school some 30 years ago and have had periods of happiness where I did not touch my eyes. I am going thru a period now that is the worst it has ever been.
After discovering all the information on the web, and your blog I will take on my quest to learn positive behaviors to fight this horror. Thank you for your insights, I look forward to reading more.
Dear Christina,
I’m a kid about to turn 20 and have had trichotillomania since I was ~10. It’s getting a really critical point, and I’m trying to finally force myself to recover from it once and for all. Hearing about the progress you and the other posters have made is really inspiring – thank you for putting your story out on the web for others who need a glimmer of hope to find!
I have some questions about steps (3) and (4): which books/workbooks did you use in your recovery? Would you recommend certain of those books over others? Also, the self-monitoring mentioned in step (4): is the process of how to self-monitor outlined in one of the books, or if not, what are the key aspects that one should be aware of when practicing self-monitoring?
Also, I just wanted to write a small shout-out to Marcia: I’ve also started taking the NAC tablets, but only for about a month. My mom and I weren’t too sure on the dosage, though – the study said 2 a day was the minimum effective dosage, but I’m curious to know what dosage worked for you, as you’re having such terrific results with it!
Thank you again Christina, and Beth, Jessica, Marcia, and Kelly, too!!
I’m so glad I found your blog!
Anna
Dearest Anna, I am a voracious reader, and tend to read anything written about trich. Early on, of course, there was very, very little, but nowadays there’s quite a bit more. Today I would recommend Dr. Penzel’s The Hair Pulling Problem, and also Dr. Keuthen’s Help for Hair Pullers. Just because they give a good overview of current practice, different approaches, etc. Both also have monitoring forms. These are both older books. A really nice set of books (a bit expensive) but worth the money is Dr’s Woods and Twohig’s Trichotillomania: an ACT-Enhanced Behavior Therapy Approach. I would read the therapist book first, and then work through the workbook. It will substantially increase your self awareness! You can always call me at TLC, 831-457-1004 (days) if you want to chat!
Much love, Christina