Good Sunday, World!
I had a really interesting insight a while ago, and it has to do with appropriate self-grooming. Which I must say often feels out of reach – and is a miracle if we can do it – for those of us with BFRB’s… lol!
Now that I am 53 years old, and post-menopause, my hormonal balance has changed, and I get a few very fine hairs that grow extra long on my chin. (If I let them…)
I first discovered this last year when I was on a conference call with 6 other individuals. I was rubbing my chin, listening, when OMG I found a hair, and not just ANY hair! THIS one was surely an inch long! Maybe even a mile long! (That’s how it felt, anyway) And it was smack in the middle of my chin!
How did it get there? How could I not have noticed? Did it grow overnight? The voices on the conference call suddenly sounded like the grownups talking in a Charlie Brown cartoon – Waaah-Woooh-Waaah…
My whole world was focused in that moment on that hair. Now – here’s the thing. Did I pull it? No. As I couldn’t believe it was real, and yet my fingers told me it existed, I desperately wanted to go look in the mirror. But that meant leaving it alone til the conference call was done.
So I left it alone, finished the call (which I could never have done in years past) – and RACED to the bathroom mirror – where lo and behold, I had a long hair on my chin, for real! I have to admit – I was stunned! And it wasn’t really a mile long, or even an inch long. But it was sticking straight out, and I was astonished that it was there at all.
HOW COULD THIS HAVE GROWN AND I DID NOT KNOW IT? That in itself was a realization of my own recovery process, that I no longer examined myself minutely many times a day, every day, searching, always searching, like I had done for so many years.
And yes, I did pull it out. With my husband’s tweezers. I was SO not going to have a super long hair on my chin!!!
Which gave me the insight I am talking about, that I have now every time I remove a fine chin hair, or shave my legs, which is that I now understand the concept of Appropriate Grooming, and what that means for me, as a woman who lives with trich tendencies in her nervous system.
When I first started on my path to real recovery, I was often triggered if I touched or pulled anything, even if it was a hair that was grooming-wise unacceptable to me. (Like a hair coming out of a mole on my neck.)
I could never remove something like that without having to then examine EVERY possible hair that might need removal – and often I was then off and running for a full-blown compulsive session often lasting hours.
Now, to walk in the bathroom, remove an unwanted chin hair, and leave within a minute is a normal experience for me.
Why am I sharing this? Simply because with a loving, low-key and practical approach, practiced over time with awareness, the truth is we DO change, and CAN reduce our behavior, until it is only engaged in appropriate grooming!
What else – I travel to NYC this week, which I am really looking forward to. Hope some of you can join me at next Saturday’s workshop!
Love always, Christina
2 Comments
“I could never remove something like that without having to then examine EVERY possible hair that might need removal – and often I was then off and running for a full-blown compulsive session often lasting hours.”
This. (I actually pointed at the screen when I read that part.) This is me. I rub my eyes because they itch … then a loose eyelash lands on my cheek and the next thing I know, all my eyelashes (stubby as they may be, attempting regrowth from the last pull session) have disappeared once again. Sometimes, they’re in a tiny pile next to me on the bed/sofa. (sigh) I’m trying. It’s so hard, but I am honestly trying.
I tried a few different anti-anxiety medications and all they really did was make me feel like I was living in a constant fog. That one commercial (for another type of medication), where the cartoon is walking around with a balloon for a head? That was me. Completely disconnected. I can’t do that, so I’m trying to sort of reprogram myself.
Certainly another reason to continue research in the arena of hormones and BFRBs, ultimately reaching a wider audience and fostering paths to further recovery in all aspects: physical, mental, spiritual. I have not done a widespread search of the current literature, but I recall a study being announced or published related to OCD and effects of hormone levels.
I am learning of the benefits of “Appropriate Grooming” myself, as well as some of the limitations (i.e. cost). Another balancing act….
Thanks for sharing Christina! Perfect timing, just when I needed some inspiration from the West Coast!