Good morning world!
Today, I am not so very happy. In the big scheme of things, there are no crises or major fires to put out, and life is very good, but I am a bit distressed so I will write about it. THIS will make sure I don’t build up a charge and end up pulling over it! (Like I used to do…)
Here’s the conundrum; it is time to have an emotionally difficult talk with a dear one in my life, which can often be difficult for me to initiate. But if I don’t, I will build up an negative emotional charge, and THAT is not good as it eventually leads to unwanted behaviors like pulling and picking, etc.
Even the very thought of the discussion makes me feel quivery, as I have such a hard time with the fear of anger, condescension, abandonment, rejection, conflict of any sort, and yet – I really do know the only way out is to go through this!
I used to run from big feelings, and I used to run from getting my needs met. Now I may take a bit of time to follow through, but I do, because the feeling of centeredness I gain from acknowledging my truth is necessary for me to stay sober, stay pull and pick free, stay okay with who I am and what I am about in my life.
Sometimes, confronting and acknowledging a feeling that might bring up anger in someone else is more scary to me than talking in front of a thousand people – sky diving – mountain climbing – asking for money – but it is the very best way to live my life.
I have found this to be true over and over again in my life!
Someday, I hope that I can address ANYTHING that triggers me, in the current moment, in a way that is positive and loving, but does the job of not letting misunderstandings build up!
I have an old friend who used to say “Yup, we zip into our earthsuits (bodies) and off we go to class to learn whatever it is we each need to learn… “
It does make me smile: it used to be gobs worse. In my twenties, I could not for the LIFE of me do the things I can do now. Thank goodness everything has in so many ways become easier. Not always more comfortable, but certainly easier.
Hmmm – interesting morning musings!
Love to all, Christina
2 Comments
hi, christina.
for as early as 7 years old, i started pulling my hair. first, it was not alarming. not until i grew up and still continue doing it. im 17 now and still pulling my hair, im quite aware that i am pulling my hair. but i just cant stop, when i was nine i started to have bald spots due to my hair pulling, until now i still have those bald spots. it’s hard to stop, and it’s even harder to reveal this situation to other people, even to my parents and friends. ive been using headbands to cover my bald spots. but now, i wanted to help my self to stop pulling my hair. but the problem is, i dont know how to start and who to go to. please help me. please email me. audiolove09@gmail.com
im looking forward to your response.
Christina: Many, many thanks for your continued deeply personal and insightful posts. This post – and the one before – really spoke to me, as difficult conversations are a weakness for me as well, especially because of the OTHER person’s potential reaction, and the resulting negative emotions that will be conjured up. I am going to picture your post the next time I find myself avoiding a conversation I know I need to have.