Good morning Dear Ones!
Hmmm… I have a bunch of stuff on my mind, so I may just ramble a bit until I hit my stride.
Is trich life-threatening?
Not often, but it can certainly be life-threatening. For a variety of reasons. Physically, one can develop a trichobezoar, or hair ball blocking the digestive system. Years ago, I spoke to a mom whose 7 year-old daughter had needed half of her stomach removed due to terrible infection from a mass of hair. Is that child alive today? I do not know. Since then, I have met adolescents who have had one, two, or even several trichobezoars removed, one girl was operated on 4 times.
How many people die from these blockages, with it never being revealed – due to ignorance, shame, or lack of interest? You will randomly hear about trichobezoars in surgical or medical journals. Rarely elsewhere.
And how many die from skin picking? Holed up in houses, unable to leave for fear of exposure? How many get septic systemic infections and fall deeply ill or die? I do not know.
A while back I also spoke to the grieving mom of a young woman of 21 who committed suicide as a result of believing she could never stop pulling, and her shame was overwhelming, and she ended her life.
And then, this past week, I have learned of a young man in our community who did the same thing. My heart aches for his family now. How many others are there? I have no idea, but I tell you this:
The degree of sheer suffering from this obscure and ignoble disorder IS capable of driving people to suicide, and IS capable of causing serious physical harm.
Not for most of us, or the disorder would be more well-known. But for a certain number of us, it IS life-threatening.
For myself? For years, I did want to die, and seriously considered if I could live life with no hands (yes, I dreamed of having them amputated), but as an adult, never came close to really considering suicide as an option.
Have you ever contemplated ending your life – because of trich or skin picking? I would love to hear folk’s thoughts on this. I only wish I had known that the young man was in such distress – I had not spoken to him in about 10 months, and was deeply sorrowed to hear of his passing this week.
Over time, I have spoken to many, many people, who have contemplated and / or attempted to killed themselves. Obviously these folks went on living and reached out, but how many don’t? This concerns me deeply. This is my community, people who share my experience, and I care as one who has walked this path and understand it’s entrapment from the inside out.
Today, as a result of my own experience, I do know it is possible to change behavior.
Effectively.
But – here’s the caveat – it takes commitment, time, and hard work, which can be uncomfortable to walk through. Maybe if we had a magic pill, life would be easy – but we don’t!
So what do we do as a community? I do not want those among us who suffer so greatly to simply slip through the cracks.
This is a great conundrum in my life – with the development of TLC as a resource, and all the work that TLC does, we are moving in the right direction. But there is SO much more that needs doing, and people are still slipping through the cracks – all the time.
People who have no access to support, effective treatment, friendship with understanding – there are many out there (are you one?) and it is unacceptable to me to sit back and do nothing about it.
That’s why I am committed to supporting TLC – with my finances (yes, I make a monthly tax-deductible donation), with my energy, with my commitment.
I believe that supporting TLC is the best option to alleviating the suffering caused by hair pulling and skin picking.
So, if you are reading this, and are not a member of TLC yet (get the paper quarterly newsletter, etc), why not become one? Why NOT help? Why NOT make a donation, whether it is $5 or $500? What level of hurt have you experienced from these problems – enough to put a value on it?
Or offer your skill-set – perhaps you are well-connected, a financial wizard, or creative, or savvy in a kajillion ways – to help us mend these cracks that beloved people keep slipping through.
Yes, I am frustrated, but I also know it is so much better than even a few years ago.
Please join us in this work to improve the quality of life of those suffering with these problems!
Much love, Christina
17 Comments
This is a very interesting blog piece, Christina! Certainly the life-threatening effects of trichotillomania and/or dermatillomania are not well studied or documented. It would be interesting (albeit probably also frightening) to know the death rates among those that share our disorder, and what can be done to prevent these types of untimely deaths.
In my opinion, probably few trich-related suicides are based entirely on the fact that one pulls their hair (picks skin, etc). I can see easily, however, how it would be a contributing factor if the person was already severely depressed, and especially if they were feeling helpless or out of control, because these are feelings that trich can certainly compound.
For me, however, being suicidal and having trich are not related. I’ve had major depression/anxiety/self-injury/eating disorder issues for the past 8 years or so. During my darkest moments, there were many things on my mind that I wanted to quiet, but trich wasn’t one of them. Sure it sucked not having eyelashes, but I was far more concerned about being a useless, lonely person with no hope of a good future or relief from the emotional pain, and wanting to make that all go away. There is no question, however, that trich can negatively impact self-esteem, and that tragically low self-esteem can be a contributing factor toward a person ending their life.
Thanks so much for your input on this! I just felt a need to address it – bring it into our awareness – as it is something that is rarely touched upon. I agreee with you – my guess is anyone who is overwhelmed by trich/skin picking enough to consider it a reason to end one’s life, probably also has severe mood disorders and perhaps other things as well. I would just love to remove these problems as contributing factors. I am a dreamer, and that is fine by me! love, Christina
It breaks my heart to read this blog, for i know personally of the affects of this dissorder i wish there was more that i could do to help others, i’ve been skin picking and hair pulling since i remember excisting its very emotionally painful and frustrating from that i went to cutting because the trich wasnt enough to ease my pain, and my shame, since i remember i’ve always thought something was deeply wrong w me i thougt i was a freak, there are times i commit myself to stopping altogether and then something happens and there goes , i start all over again, but i realized what helps me is talking to people and letting them know they are not alone, ive met many ppl w this condition, even children w scars, that even their parents were in denial and in secret shame, all they need is for someone to tell them that its ok , they are not alone and that this dissorder definately has a name and they’re is treatment, but by staying quiet, we are interfering in others well being , too many suffer w this alone, i’ve learned to live w my problem, except it, talk about it, and not hide it, because i know that it can benefit others, and yes this dissoder can definately make one suicidal, people who suffer from this have very little friends because they are afraid of being judged or made fun of and many have to put up w being bullied because of visible scars, there was a child in my childs class w this problem and i was able to speak w his mom, but not before showing her my own scars. because i didnt want her to think i was pointing fingers at her or her child, and you wouldnt believe her relief to know that he wasnt alone, she took him to the mental health clinic, they switch him to a better setting in school w chidren who understood him better,and they are now working towards healing and , in fact they are very happy taking it a day at a time, children who suffer from this dissorder need alot of understanding and patients since if they havnt been able to speak about this, you will notice they have constant mood swings and are defensive, and when you ask whats wrong many times they’ll tell you they dont know or nothing , very frustrating, so yes this is a serious dissorder,that can lead to many physical problems as well as emotional, this is a thought from a voice of experiene, i hope and pray 4 those who suffer from this,,,,, sincerly jessica
and christina i wanted to thank you 4 all that you are doing to help, i wish i could help financially but i’m a single mom w 4 children so maybe in the future it might get easier, i thank youn your blogs because its nice to read about something you are going through and to know thefre is hope makes all the difference, thanks again jessica
i wanted to thank you 4 this blog and for all your doing to help w this dissorder ,,,, jessica
Christina this blog really hits home for me because suicide is my worst fear for Autumn. Do you remember us from the conference? She has a mood disorder and massive mood swings. Just recently she cut her head with a razor in the shower. She said she liked how it felt and she likes tasting the blood. We are in the process of moving cross country and I am so afraid of what the future holds for her. She is not ready to stop pulling..now I fear for her safety because. She likes how it feels to cut herself. Thank you for all you do…I wish I could contribute more to TLC! I plan on runnning a marathon and raising some money for TLC through Firstgiving.com. Calling TLC is one of the first things I have on my to do list when we get to Ohio. With sincere thanks—Leah
My dearest Leah, oh, my heart is with you! Your comments about Autumn’s behaviors makes me feel so sad – and wish I had the answer on how best to intervene. I have forgotten whether she is on medication or not and I’d love to hear from you sometime if you want to chat – 831-457-1004. Love always, Christina
Christina,
Autumn is taking Prozac…30mg. We just arrived in Ohio and today we met with a new psychiatrist. She prescribed Clonidine 3 times a day so we are going to try that and see if it makes a difference. I know it is not an answer to the hair pulling or the cutting but at this point it seems reasonable to try it….what do you think? In the meantime I am going to find a place that Autumn can learn how to ride horses..she loves animals and I know horses can be very theraputic. Thank you so much for responding to me…I value your every thing you have to say more than anyone!
Thanks Christina for writing about this. I’ve experienced a suicide attempt first hand in August of last year. I think it was a combination of things…the fact that there was no way I was going to continue my life pulling my hair, I was on a high dosage of medication, and at the time I had just begun therapy and finally told someone that I pull out my hair. The week after this therapy session, I crashed and went into a downward spiral to the point of attempting to kill myself.
I scared myself that I even had these disturbing thoughts and at that point I knew I needed to do something about it. I reached out to TLC, my mom, dad, brother, my best friend, and my therapist. I created a support system and then things got better.
Thanks Christina and TLC!
Carmen
Dearest Carmen, I am so glad you reached out, and that you are with us today to share your experience! Life is hard. I don’t know where we get the idea that a good life is an easy life. Life is powerful, overwhelming, intriguing, awe-inspiring, and somtimes just plain scary. But it is OUR life, and worthy of experiencing! Thank you so much for posting, and have a great day. Love Christina
Thank you for this blog. I have been suffering from trich since i was 11 and am now 20. 9 years of pain and embarrassment and shame. I have tried to kill myself 3 times because of it. All i want in the world is to be able to not have to wear a wig or a hat and go out into the sun…or go swimming….or play sports… All i want is to be able to live normally and not have people look at me funny or try to steal my hat…or rip off my wig…. I dont know anyone else with trich, either.
Anyway, thank you for this blog. It nice to know Im not alone.
I would certainly agree with you on committment, time, and hard work!!!!! I always say committment over time!!!! I have been doing GREAT with not pulling the head hair, but still suffer with the brows and lashes!!!I keep a calendar and mark each day I do not pull…but it is HARD!!!!!!!
i sometimes wish my life would end because of this.
but ive gone thru this before and know for sure i dont want to die, i just want to stop this madness i live with.
i too have thought about what if i didnt have my hands, fingers – would this help me stop, but of course thats not an option either. yet i still cant seem to talk about it with anyone, im 56 and have been suffering with this since i was about 15. i cant stand trying to cover u the bald spots, cant stand always worrying about it, worrying if it shows. i dont think the hair thats missing at this point is ever coming back, feels like its too late to try and get help now, and it certainly doesnt sound like there is any REAL help out there anyway, Everything i read about this, there just doesnt seem to be a real solution – but even so, i can’t get myself to open up and talk to someone about it anyway. i just cant seem to do that without totally falling apart and crying, which is what im doing right now while trying to type this.
i know ive got Everything to live for, yet this is dragging me down, making life not worth living. making me hope i die before im totally bald.
my life has been a good one, except for this one, Big problem – but unfortunately its a problem that never going to go away – always going to be a dark cloud hanging over me.
this is the first time ive ever got close to saying what i think out loud about my problem.
thanks for letting me vent!
I’ve thought of suicide before but it wasn’t the trick that caused the thoughts. I have anxiety, depression, and social phobia. I believe the trick is a direct symptom of the anxiety. I think this because in times of serious stress, I can’t stop pulling my hair out. In times of less stress, the problem goes away for awhile. When I got paxil that treated the depression, the trick all but disappeared. The information on the internet seems to validate that people with trick also have other disorders, too. I believe that for a few people this all becomes too overwhelming.
I’m autistic, have major depression & anxiety and have had trich for many years. I have tried to kill myself 5 times because of trich and wish I could stop hair pulling. I am thinking of shaving my head bald to stop it. There are no resources for people with trich to get help where I live so I found this website.
I was diagnosed with Trichotillomania when I was 12 years old, and have had it ever since! I now am 22 years old and a mother of 2 I hate to say it but I am still suffering with this disorder! Suffering with this has made my life a nightmare! When I was younger in school I ddin’t have many friends and was picked on I was back and fourth between schools, and didn’t go to school half of the time untill it put my parents in jepardy for me not going! I missed out on all the school dances and proms! I shaved my head a few times and would wear a bandanna one day on the school bus a kids behind me pulled my bandanna off my head and everyone laughed at me! There aren’t even words to decribe how I felt about that! I was in counseling and saw Dr’s and therapists nothing was helping me not even the meds.! I stopped taking meds and seeing theripists when I was about 16 years old! I am doing this all on my own and my hair is the longest it’s been since I was 11 years old! I am very happy about that, but I still feel like a joke! Some days are better than others I have tried so much to help this and nothing has worked for me! I just wish I could be normal like most of the women out there that can treat themselves to a nice haircut or hair style! I eel that this disorder has taken away me being a woman! I have been trying to work, but I don’t get to stay long! I have worked at various jobs that didn’t last long! I have cried so many time and wish that one day I could wake up and it be something in my past and to be cured! I would give anything to feel like a normal lady and have a full head of hair! I have been having stomach problems and I do believe that that the cause of it, because when I am doing bad is when I have the stomach pains and problems! I have asked numerous times if having this disorder could cause stomach problems and I get the same answer “no”! My children see me doing this to myself and it hurts me to know that they see this! My daughter 4 years old I caught doing what I was doing! I can’t let her go threw what we have to go threw! I have even looked into “The secret mane” They specialise with this disorder! They say it’s affordable but yet they gave me an estimated price of $8,500.00 and up to get their help! Seriously yea thats affordable expeacially when you can’t keep a job and can’t get ssi or ssd for this, and if you can you have to go threw so much to get the help we need! We have gone threw so much already! I am starting to give up on getting help and to be cured I want to do this on my own, and have gotten so far now on my own than with all the help they say you need! I know there are people out there with this same disorder but still have yet to meet anyone in my area with the same issues as me! It’s nice to see this blog and it helps to vent!
In addition I have anxiety and depression and I know that it all is together! I have also cut/burned myself and tried suicid numerous times, and feel now that, that is not an option! I know how bad it hurts, but I know that we can do this eventually even though we have to go threw hell to get there!