A Call to Freedom

July 26, 2011 – 2:42 pm

New Personal essay up in Articles! Originally published in TLC’s quarterly newsletter, InTouch, (delivered to TLC members every four months), our friend Tina Miller, AKA Trich Whisperer, and group moderator for the popular facebook support group Learning2Live Pull-Free Private Network Page , wrote this poignant story of her own struggle and pursuit of freedom and recovery from trichotillomania. Thanks for sharing and being such a strong voice for the community, Tina!

A Call to Freedom

by Trich Whisperer
Reprinted from the TLC Newsletter, InTouch, #60 © 2011
© Trichotillomania Learning Center, Inc. 2011. All Rights Reserved

I really don’t remember the first time I met my nameless, faceless friend. He was remarkably unexceptional, simply offering relief when my eyes became unbearably itchy from allergies. From him, I learned that the best reprieve was found in pulling out my eyelashes. I think we must have become acquainted in third grade during allergy season because by the time I entered fourth grade, I had no eyelashes. That year, my classmates nicknamed me “Snake Eyes.” The nickname and almost daily teasing lasted for several years and I quickly discovered that my friend offered relief from more than just itchy eyes.

My mysterious friend became my worst enemy on semester exam day in eighth grade. It was the winter of 1981. I had just completed my science exam in white-haired, red-faced Mr. Conley’s class. I was sitting at the shellacked brown wooden table staring intently out the window and worrying about next period’s Ohio history exam – the last exam of the day but the one for which I was least prepared. My fingers traced across the texture of the carvings on the table left by students past. Some carvings were shallow, like scratches left by absentminded doodlers. Others were deep, intentional, created by angry artists lacking a canvas. At some point, my hand drifted from exploring the texture of the carvings to exploring the texture of my hair. And I started to pull.

Keep Reading…>>

By Christina Pearson, TLC | Posted in Hair Pulling, Resources, Sharing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Reflections

July 7, 2011 – 11:40 am

Recently, TLC had the honor of  working with an incredibly intelligent young woman, Maddie,  who interned  for Jen Raikes, TLC’s Executive Director, at her Los Angeles office. Maddie was kind enough to share a bit about her personal struggles with trich…be kind in your comments, but know that we all want to hear from you, too! ~TLC 

My name is Maddie M.  I’m 18 years old and I’ve been pulling for 9 years now.

My mom didn’t even begin bothering me about it until four years ago when my head hair became noticeably thin and I began to look like a sick person.  She comments all the time how “thin” and “really bad” it looked and she asked, “Why can’t you just stop” because “you don’t know how it makes me feel”.  That’s what my mom said.  She made it seem like I could be just another quick fix like the chores she has people do around the house—as if stopping pulling could be just as easy as changing a light bulb.

I felt that her ignorance was insensitive because if stopping pulling was really that easy then that meant that I had some control over it which I knew—after reading and learning about it from the Trichotillomania Learning Center—that managing trich wasn’t that simple and that it is something people struggle with all of their lives.  It’s an ongoing battle every day, all day.

I couldn’t understand why she would try to make me feel worse about my affliction and myself than I already did.  Throughout my senior year of high school and my last two years of elementary school I never left the house without a beanie pulled far over my head.  I felt like a freak and a sick person and not even my mom could understand me.  She accused me of “not trying hard enough”.  But that was so wrong.  I tried really hard.  Maybe I didn’t try all the time because it was very difficult to get motivated, but even when I did I felt like I could never stop pulling no matter how hard I tried.

The ironic thing is that I’ve been pull-free for almost a month now.  I don’t know I’m doing it.   It’s a miracle.   Almost like a quick fix.  I haven’t been less stressed—I just had senior final exams, I’ve been hungry, desperately looking for a job to make money, I stopped seeing my psychiatrist, I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago (but we’re back together now), I’ve packing up my life in anticipation of moving away to college, and dealing with my mom harassing me about pulling all along.

I’ve been thinking about it more and I’ve discovered three noticeable changes that I recognize and that work for me. One day, I know, I will relapse, but for now I am trying very hard catch myself now that I’ve had such a long streak of success.  When that day does come, at least I know I will be able to pull myself out of it once again.

Firstly, I’ve come to understand trich and also my recent work with the Trichotillomania Learning Center.  Maybe helping other people even a little bit has helped me help myself.  Whatever it is it’s so relieving to have miraculously pulled myself out of the trance I used to live in pulling all day every day.

The second thing that has helped me—I know this is going to seem shallow—is that I bleached my hair blonde.  All my hair is the same texture and color now so, though some roots are deeper than others, my fingers and my eyes can’t differentiate between hairs to pull out.

Lastly, I’ve become much more comfortable talking about my struggle with trich within this last year.  My boyfriend was the first person I could open up to.  He asks me questions about how I’m doing and how I’m feeling and if I thought I was going to do well that day.  He is always trying to help and learn more about it.  He’s understanding and realizes that I’m not a broken light bulb.  I told him all of my patterns and he doesn’t think I’m a freak.  He knows that I’m trying hard.

In talking to some of my friends about it I’ve found that four of them have it to.  That’s a very big number considering I only have a handful of close friends and the statistic is supposedly every 1/50 people.  Some of them knew they had trichotillomania and others didn’t know what they had.  Either way I think it’s helped me and other trich suffers in opening up about my struggle.  I know I’m not alone and they do too.  I know recovery is possible and I know people succeed everyday and they do too.

Keep working at it, trichsters.

By tlcprograms | Posted in Hair Pulling, Resources, Sharing, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | Comments (5)

Do you want better answers?

June 29, 2011 – 3:22 pm

Yes, the fact is we DO need better treatments, more trained doctors and therapists, and much greater public awareness.
Put simply, we need better answers for the millions of people suffering with hair pulling and skin picking disorders.   

 Do you agree?

If so, we need YOU.  Please JOIN TLC. Together, we will advance research, train doctors, and educate the public.

And, if you become a TLC member during the NEXT 7 DAYS, we will send you a free copy of the DVD:  Recent Research Findings: Trichotillomania Treatment and Phenomenology in Adults &Children

Each month, TLC helps over 500 people with hair pulling and skin picking disorders by providing trustworthy information, treatment referrals,support groups and phone and email support. But we know it is not enough to provide the best resources available today. We are working to create abetter  future.

Your membership supports vital programs such as:

  • The Professional Training Institute – training doctors in best practice treatment
  • The International Research Consortium – seeking better treatments and a CURE
  • Phone & Email support – personal answers available to all those struggling
  • Outreach Campaigns – educating schools, doctors, the media, and the public
  • Email Support Groups (just like this one!)

We cannot do this work without the support of those with a strong personal interest in ending the suffering caused by hair pulling and skin picking disorders.   We need you.

If you want better answers, accessible treatment, and a community of support for yourself or a loved-one, PLEASE JOIN TLC today.   

 TLC MEMBERS RECEIVE:

In a recent letter to TLC supporters,   I shared a story about the child “CM” who felt like an “alien” until  she found help from TLC.  Here’s a recent email she sent to me personally:

“I HAVENT PULLED MY EYEBROIWS FOR 4 OR 3 WEEKS!! and maybe if you have time and your not busy over this summer you could come fly over here on a weekend day and you my mom and i can go to the mall or something and all hang and talk about stratagies!!!!!”CM age 10

Where would she be now if TLC did not exist? 

The progress we have made in the last 20 years is remarkable.  And the people we have helped are profoundly grateful. Yet, with our current resources, TLC’s programs only reach a fraction of those in need.   Please ensure that our programs and services can grow to help all those still suffering: make a gift to the Anniversary Fund today.

Together we will provide the best resources available today – and create a better future.

Progress can’t happen without you.   Don’t delay – please JOIN TLC Today!   Thank you!

In love and service,
Christina Pearson
TLC Founding Director

By Christina Pearson, TLC | Posted in Hair Pulling, Resources, Sharing, Treatment, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a Comment

Make-up Application Tips from Cheryn Salazar

June 16, 2011 – 2:34 pm

Editor’s Note: Cheryn Salazar is a founding member of TLC, and one of the first members of the TLC Board of Directors. She also founded and moderates www.trichworld.com. Since 1991, Cheryn has dedicated her life and her work to helping people with trichotillomania and skin picking look and feel their best.  She presents regularly at TLC Conferences and Retreats (she’ll be in Jamison, PA for the September Retreat!). Cheryn was kind enough to put together this article on make-up tips for those with hair, lash, and brow loss, as  we all know the summer months pose some difficulty for many trichsters. We hope you find it useful. Thanks Cheryn!

Do you remember a time when you would run and jump into the cool waters at the beginning of summer, frolicking about without a care in the world.  Well, I remember those days up to the summer of 1971. What stands out most in my memory are the many summers that followed my first experience with  in 1972 .  I know that without me saying another word,  most  of you who experience “trich” know what I’m about to say next.

It felt like trichotillomania took over just about anything that had ever been carefree for me.  All the fun activities like swimming, most amusement park rides, overnight sleepovers, to name only a few activities, were filled with anxiety and apprehension, many a time being bypassed since I felt afraid to be exposed and revealed.  Truly anything that had the elements of water and air involved put me into a panic and defensive mode; hiding the bald eyes, brows or head that wanted to peak out when coming in contact with just about anything involving fun.

Now, I know ways to free myself of those concerns, and I mean free as in “freedom”!  I swim now, water ski, scuba dive, ride on fast-moving objects, you name it!  I can cry and even perspire without any more concerns of my make-up “melting” off.  How can that be, you are probably asking!  There were two aspects to attaining this aspect in my life.  One was finding a make-up that would be so waterproof that it would stay on under just about every condition and situation including crying, perspiring, and even sleeping, and be safe for my skin!   Wearing such awesome make-up now has alleviated the fears and anxieties that held me “hostage,” keeping me from living life to its’ fullest.  I’m no longer fearful of having that “blank” look, and drawing unwanted attention.  I truly don’t even think about my face anymore.  The fears and concerns are gone.

Now I put my make-up on in less than 15 minutes, and  I don’t think about my face for 24 hours; I can even sleep in it and when I wake up it is still on!  No more worrying if the UPS man is going to knock on my door early in the morning before I have my face on.  Anybody knowin’ what I’m sayin?

I think you do, and I am so excited to have this opportunity to write this article so I can share with you what I have discovered many years ago.  In fact, even having “trich” doesn’t bother me anymore.

Out of my own need I searched for years for the right makeup for scalp, eyes and brows. And once I found them, it was truly life changing for me.  I used to feel so ashamed, so fearful to be found out, but no more.  And I want that for every one of us.

In 1992 I began doing workshops at the TLC conferences and retreats to help others learn how to apply make-up so they look like they aren’t wearing any make-up.  What I’m saying is I applied it in such a way that it looks like I did when I had lashes and brows.  Then I thought of offering these products to others which resulted in my starting my own business in 1993 called Cheryn International to offer the makeup, along with wigs and other products to help restore a feeling of beauty and normalcy to anyone who experienced hair, lash and/or brow loss.  In fact, my eyelashes are made for the lashless eyes, and are so natural looking even men and boys can wear them!  And the natural looking eyebrows, oh my gosh, are AWESOME!  The DermMatch Topical Shading is the most amazing product ever made for the scalp.  It truly makes most spots virtually “disappear”, looking like there actually is a full head of hair, and it even does wonders for those who have large spots, and even those who are bald!

Please feel free to check out my website and see all the products I offer, and also my new wig company The Wig Emporium.

School’s out; the warm summer season has arrived.  Let this be the year that you enjoy again all the joys of life that this wonderful summer season brings.  You deserve it!

Love and Hugs to you all,

Cheryn Salazar

Here are the products I use and some of my Eyelash & Make up Tips to make your eyes have a natural appearance.

Line your entire inner eyelid, the area right next to your eyeball’s membrane, with Indelible Eye (IE) Waterproof Gel Eyeliner or the product of your choosing. (The Waterproof Gel Eyeliner is what I use).  You want to paint the entire area where your lashes usually grow out from to restore the color their which will give your eyes depth and beauty.

Then clean off quickly any product where you do not want it, as it will dry fast and be difficult to remove once it dries.

Lightly line your lower lid as well.  My suggestion would be the lighter colored eyeliner for your lower lids, as it will give a softer, translucent look.  (We don’t want the raccoon look which might draw unwanted attention).

What I use, and is very popular, is the Chocolate Mousse for the upper eyelid, as it can look very dark to medium Black/Brown, depending on how much you apply.  If you have/had Light Brown, Red or Blonde hair then I would suggest a softer color such as the Brownie Point or Tip Taupe.  It will depend on your preferences, which I would be happy to discuss with you my opinion.

After applying the Gel Liner, add the Indelible Eye (IE) Waterproof Eyeliner Pencil or once again a product you are comfortable with, on the top of your lid very lightly with soft strokes, adding as much as you desire, and then smudge it with the sponge tip on your pencil, or with your finger, to create a Smokey Look, which helps to create the appearance of lashes; the depth and color to your eye which exists when lashes curl up.  There is no solid line on one’s eye unless their lashes point downward.

I would then do the same steps to your lower lid, but be light on the amount.  I use the Chocolate Mousse on top with the Brownie Eyeliner pencil, and the Brownie Point on the lower lid, with the Brownie, also.  (An eyeliner pencil is the only product that makes the smokey look. The Gel Eyeliner won’t offer this effect).

To remove your makeup I have found nothing that works like the IE Waterproof Makeup Remover.  I usually only use it when I’m really wanting a clean face, otherwise when I wake up in the morning I just use a Q-Tip and remove any smudges that may have occurred.  Then touch up my makeup and be on my way.  It usually takes a matter of minutes to do my entire face.  Just be patient and remember “Practice makes Better”.  Not perfect.  No one’s perfect!!!

For everyday eyebrows, meaning not swimming or in excessive heat or humidity, I wear the IE Waterproof Eyebrow Pencil.

I brush light strokes on the area where my eyebrow previously had been, or fill in spots where brows are missing, and then brush off the make up lightly using the mascara wand on the end of the pencil.  This softens my applied makeup giving it a natural look opposed to a stencil appearance.

I then apply more, brush off some more, add again more, until the look I am desiring appears.  It really is amazing how all the sudden the brow will just look right.  I do have videos on You Tube at http://www.youtube.com/cherynsalazar to offer a visual aid.

As wonderful as this brow pencil is, I have not ever seen anything as waterproof in a pencil, when I am preparing for a day where I know the elements will be causing me to need the adhesive properties the eyeliner gel offers, I take my Brownie Point or Tip Taupe IE Waterproof Crème Eye Shadow and apply it with my eyeliner brush in light hair-like strokes on my brow area.  I do not want my brows to look like a stencil so I am very soft-handed during the applying.

Then to make the most natural look, I  add the IE Waterproof Eyebrow Pencil (I use Black Coffee) over the brow area and use the mascara wand to brush off a little, leaving a soft appearance to the edges.  You might even add Brow Powder, to really get the most natural look, though it isn’t a waterproof product.  I hardly use the powder, unless I’m dressing up my very best.  It’s almost not necessary, but I thought I’d mention it.

The False Eyebrows are amazingly natural looking, and can stay on for days.  The False Eyelashes will do the same.  It’s all about the glues adhesion, and which glue is best for you will depend on your skins oilyness and type.

For those who experience hair loss on the scalp, DermMatch is the answer!  It’s awesome!!!  It has been a “life-changer” for every single person I have known to use it.  It is the most amazingly waterproof product that enables you to swim, sweat, sleep, etc. and it stays on better than any product I have ever seen or experienced in my life!  It doesn’t “run”.  In fact, you have to shampoo it to get it to come off completely.  It gives you your life back.

I’ve seen the DermMatch completely make thinning areas unnoticeable on many people.  Completely unnoticeable!  And even the large patches be so camouflaged that no one would notice unless they were intently looking.   I’ve even applied DermMatch on many people who had no hair and as it brought color back to the scalp it made a huge difference in how they looked, and brought huge smiles to their faces.

Not having eyelashes, eyebrows and hair usually leaves a pale or “blank” look.  Coloring in those areas will restore the color and “depth” you had before and will definitely help to not draw the unwanted attention we so much want to avoid.  All of the products I’ve mentioned will do that for you.

If you have any questions, or just want to chat, please call me!

916-804-1337 / 866-324-0908

www.Cheryn.com

www.TheWigEmporium.com

By tlcprograms | Posted in Hair Pulling, Resources, Sharing, Uncategorized | Comments (3)

Action Needed: Feedback needed on DSM-V Revisions

June 7, 2011 – 11:45 am


The Task Force undertaking the revision of the The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has made the current draft revisions available for public comment until June 15, 2011.  Christina and I urge you to take a few minutes to voice your opinions to the DSM-V Task Force about the current draft of proposed changes to “Trichotillomania” and “Skin Picking.”

The “DSM”, published by the American Psychiatric Association, is the common reference book used to diagnose mental disorders.  It greatly influences how doctors, researchers and insurance companies think about hair pulling and skin picking.  (FYI:  Skin Picking isn’t even included in the current edition).   The process for revising this book is a worldwide effort that takes years of study and negotiation.  It only happens once every decade or two.

Last April, TLC and many of you answered the call to send in comments on an early draft – and I am happy to say that the current draft DOES reflect much of the feedback we provided.  Thank you!   But we must keep up our efforts if we want the best possible end product.

The current proposed revisions can be viewed here – and you can log-in to give your feedback:

These are the key points we hope you’ll make in your feedback:

  1. Diagnostic Criteria for Trichotillomania:  We strongly support the elimination of criteria B&C and the elimination of the word “noticeable” from criteria A.  Thank you!
  2. Name Change for Trichotillomania: We strongly support the name change to “Hair Pulling Disorder”, as it is more accurate and less stigmatizing than trichotillomania.  Thank you!
  3. Skin Picking Disorder:  We applaud the current inclusion of Skin Picking Disorder as a new diagnostic category and its placement in the same grouping of disorders as Hair Pulling Disorder (trichotillomania).
  4. We are concerned, however, that the title “OCD and Related Disorders” for the overarching category of disorders will be misleading in that it suggests greater similarities between OCD and Hair Pulling Disorder/Skin Picking Disorder than have been shown to exist.  Hair Pulling Disorder is already commonly misdiagnosed as “OCD”, leading to confusion and ineffective treatment.  We propose that a category name of “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Body-Focused Repetitive Behavior Disorders” or “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Body-Focused Disorders” would be more accurate. Thank you!
  5. We believe that severe Nail Biting, and similar behaviors such as cheek biting, belong in the same category as Hair Pulling and Skin Picking. Thank you!
  6. We are concerned that the proposed criteria for “non-suicidal self-injury” would not exclude hair pulling and skin picking disorders, and would cause confusion and ineffective treatment.  Thank you!

 TLC’s Scientific Advisory Board has submitted feedback to the committee – you can read their letter here >>

Please log on and voice your opinion today. Together we CAN make a difference! Thank you.

With Love,

Jennifer Raikes

TLC Executive Director

p.s. Another important way to make your voice heard is to Become a TLC Member.

By Jennifer Raikes | Posted in Hair Pulling, Resources, skin picking, Treatment | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Comments (3)

Retreat Reflections by Jennifer Raikes

May 26, 2011 – 12:56 pm

A quick note from TLC: What was formerly “Christina’s Blog” is now the “TLC Blog.” This new format will provide a forum for TLC staff, Board and Scientific Advisory Board Members to share organizational news, treatment and research updates, and reader-submitted essays.

Don’t worry, Christina will still continue to share her thoughts and musings on a regular basis! Visitors will be able to add the TLC Blog to their RSS feeds (so you can be sure not to miss any important information and inspiring articles as they are posted online). If you would like to submit an essay, poem, drawing, or other personal work, or have a story idea, please email Leslie @ trich.org with your submission or ideas. ~Staff

Dear Friends,

TLC’s 20th Anniversary year has been a wonderful excuse to look back.  I recently went digging through my boxes and found diary entries from my very first TLC event ever:  the 1995 Retreat.  This was the moment I first met other hair pullers.  It’s notable to me how much took seed in those very first days.

Friday

“ So far the Retreat has been better than I expected…. Met up with the Trichies at the airport.  Everyone friendly and far more normal looking than I’d thought.

Dinner consisted of salad and hot dog soup.  Mmmm. Hot dog soup.  Hopefully things will improve in the food department.  {They didn’t – but in the years since, they have, I promise.}

I attended a talk by Fred Penzel, who said, “Accept yourself unconditionally.  Trich is a behavior.  It isn’t YOU.”

Saturday

Last night’s bonfire, at which everyone shared personal stories, was, as many predicted, a turning point.  I have been feeling very detached from my trich experience, from the pain. Now, I remember my little girl self who agonized over my lashes every day.

After the bonfire, I met up with two other women and went on a quest for a secret stash of brownies known to be held by another trichie.  We all felt as if we were on a panty raid at summer camp.  The brownies were successfully found and gobbled down by flashlight.

This morning, I met Charley Mansueto and Richard O’Sullivan and talked a bit about educational efforts.  I am so impressed with all of the doctors and therapists working on this.  Extraordinary, every one.

Sunday

Another amazing day.  I feel all New Age-y saying this, but I do think this is a life-changing kind of event.  The bonding and intimacy has been so strong.  The ability to ask the most highly personal questions and to feel utterly natural about answering them, too.

“I finally introduced myself to Christina – she gave me a great big hug.”

Speaking with a woman from Hawaii, she told me I should make a video for kids about trich  – Of course, that is just what I want to do!  {Flash forward ten years: my documentary Bad Hair Life aired on public television!}

Last night, when we returned to the dining tent area, we heard enormous whoops and music.  A big disco party had broken out.  Trichsters and doctors were just all-out dancing.  A rare case of true wild abandon. I couldn’t stop smiling and laughing – it was funny and touching and broadening.  A reminder of the greatness of which people are capable just in ordinary life.”

For me, that was where it all began.  And there was so much more not even noted in the diary, but which turned out to be key moments for the course of my life – like meeting my dear friend Rebecca, who went on to help found the New York City Support Group with me and two other TLC members.

Not bad for a long weekend in the woods.  I hope that all those who are able to attend the 2011 Retreat will have many such resonant moments, too.

Love, Jennifer

p.s.

If you can’t attend the Retreat, there are other ways to connect and strengthen your bonds with this wonderful community:  Plan a small get-together in your own home, start a support group, join with other local TLC Members to do outreach projects in your community.   TLC has always been good at making connections and we can help you get started.   Email me at Jennifer @ trich.org.

By Jennifer Raikes | Posted in Events, Hair Pulling, Resources, Sharing, skin picking, Treatment | Tags: , , , | Leave a Comment

Okay, time to get off the trich/pick pity pot…

March 31, 2011 – 10:25 am

Sweet Ones, 

this is you, whoever is reading this at this very moment!

Time for me to forge ahead, get off the pity pot of  “why don’t more people get involved for real, instead of watching from the sidelines…”  regarding trichotillomania and skin picking that I have been on for a few months. 

Some of this has to do with my period of transition, some had to do with turning points in my own life, and some of it had to do with the fact that we need to join together if we really want to see significant change. 

I guess at heart I have always been somewhat of a trailblazer, willing to step into the unknown, trusting the essence of the flow for the greater good to sustain and guide me.  I have come to realize not everyone is ready to do this, even if they have suffered greatly.   As I have heard in many ways – the flowers that we are unfold in their own time.

One thing I know for sure. It does make a difference to find out we are not alone, others feel what we do, and to find support and strategies online.

Online is fantastic, but it is not enough.

Here’s the thing: there is NO substitute for being in the physical presence of others with the problems of hair pulling and skin picking, working to recover.  There is some special, actually downright profound, that happens when we come together in person.

I have been watching this phenomenon for over twenty years now, and have seen shame, hopelessness and frustration melt away simply by being  in the presence of others.  Meeting professionals who actually DO know something about treatment, and care deeply.  So I hope you join TLC at the San Francisco Conference! I’ll be there, ready to hug you.

I really got frustrated in October, when I walked 20 miles to raise much needed funds for TLC on my “Trek for Trich.”  I did raise $3500, but my original goal was to raise $1000 per mile, or $20,000. I emailed, I posted, I shared, I contacted folks I hadn’t been in touch with for years, ALL who are affected in some way by trich, and I only raised $3500.

It was totally depressing. After 20 years of sometimes grinding work, to get the word out, to develop resources, to create better access, and all I could do was raise $3500 on my Trek from all the contacts I had,  people who knew of and had benefited from my work…

When what we need is not thousands, but hundreds of thousands – millions – to do what our community so desperately wants us to do!

Thus, I was like – ”What is the point?”

This is my answer to my own question.

If I were to turn away, now that I am in recovery, still knowing how much suffering exsists, and knowing that I CAN make a difference, even if it is a small one, I would be betraying my core self, grounded as it is in that which sustains me, nurtures me and inspires me. 

Thus, off the pity pot and back to work. I do have a story to tell, and so I am going to start telling it.

Nuff said, here’s hoping everyone has a great day, moment by moment!

Love, Christina

By Christina Pearson, TLC | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (10)

Why do I work so hard to help with trichotillomania?

October 9, 2010 – 9:43 pm

Tonight, I am sad.

I have just been reading so many posts, from parents of trichsters, from adults with pulling and picking, and from teens, all wondering what to do, looking for answers, looking for hope and guidance.

Sometimes, I do not feel like much has been accomplished in the field when I read such suffering.  And yet I, and many others, have worked hard to make things better.

And it makes me crazy – through and through – that almost everyone sits back – waiting for “them” to do research, find treatment, provide answers – but totally not be willing to step up to the plate and take action.

People don’t ask American Airlines to lower the cost of a ticket – or wonder why they charge something.

We don’t expect our phone services to be free.

We don’t go shopping thinking that Macy’s is going to give me new clothes…

Get scads of information, resources, support… and never think twice about what it took to make that information available.  Never think to make a donation, small though it may be:  Actually, many people do contribute, but it is probably like 5-10% that actually do.

Why? 

I have done what I can – it has not been enough, by any means.

Tonight I must admit to being frustrated, by the amazing lack of support to really make change happen. Did you know that all we need is the financial resources? We have the researchers, the clinicians, the educators, the network.

I am tired, and don’t really know what to do.  Quit my job? If I were to turn my back on this work that I believe in so deeply, I would be betraying my core self.

Especially when I have found relief myself, and want others to access the same. I also know that the groundwork we have laid is strong, and much will happen in the next few years if we can stay focused on the goal – of alleviating the suffereing caused by picking and pulling.

I have tried to win the lottery – to no avail. If I won, I would create an endowment to continue this work, and support research.

So I sit here, late in the evening, sweating from the heat, typing my heart out, and wonderwhy I don’t pull my hair I am so frustrated! 

Here’s why. The benefits of the emotional freedom that I have attained from not pulling far outweighs the solace I get from pulling and picking. Today – I run less from things that cause pain, states that are uncomfortable, eventually they fade away – and thus when the joy comes, it is like a fountain of light and life, effervescently burbling through my awareness.

I’ll take it. Don’t always like the way things unfold, but that’s okay, too.

hmmm. Tomorrow is another day.

Good night dear world!

Love Christina

By Christina Pearson, TLC | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (25)

My Trek for Trichotillomania

October 6, 2010 – 1:10 pm

I did it.

Last Friday, I walked 20 miles through three towns, to raise money for TLC and the work it does for people struggling with hair pulling and skin picking.

I raised $3500, for which I am very grateful – even though I had grand dreams of raising =$20,000!

Here’s the thing: it was a fantastic experience, good for my body, good for my mood, good for the communities I walked through, and good for TLC.

I definitely plan on doing it again next year, and hope others will both come and walk with me, or walk in their own communities.

Prepping for it got me out for long walks. Asking people to sponsor my walk with a financial pledge got easier and easier, and I was deeply touched by how many people responded. I learned a lot about myself, and also how to reach out to people in my life who might not know about my history and work (granted, there’s just a few of those…).

Most of all, it gave me something concrete that I could do, in a way that was fun, and pushed me a bit outside my normal envelope.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for those of you who supported my Trek!

Okay, gotta get back to work…

Love Christina

By Christina Pearson, TLC | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (7)

Time…

September 20, 2010 – 9:26 pm

Dear World,

Time. Is a funny concept-thing-process, whatever. Here it is a bit after 9pm, and I have so much I want to do, yet I do need to sleep. I have just spent the past hour or so researching brain imaging studies in trichotillomania, and it has been profound to see the evolution from 1989 until today.

What is also extraordinary is how many of the researchers doing this work for the last twenty years, I know.  And I am so grateful for their interest and perseverance in this field of little money and glory.

Truly they are my heroes. 

I only wish I could raise enough money to really make a difference in funding cutting edge research.  The researchers are willing to do the work, and want to, but they need to feed their families, and cannot work for free.  So they do follow the money – at least to a certain degree – because they have to.

We will eventually come to understand the underlying biology of trich, and my hunch is it will be pretty interesting. Until better understanding supports better intervention, at least we do have things now that do work, maybe not perfectly – but treatment today is better than it used to be.

For myself, I am all about the whole process of using awareness – consciousness itself, to affect the neuroplasticity of the brain. In fact, that’s what good CBT does. I just want to take it further.

What does this mean? I fear I am babbling, having just read so many science abstracts my eyes are crossing as I type!

I have not practiced the guided meditation I am supposed to lead in my class tomorrow – and as I will be driving up to Hayward in the morning to see a dear friend, probably won’t have time to practice at all!

That’s okay. I’ll wing it.

Good night, be well, and be gentle.

Much love, Christina

By Christina Pearson, TLC | Posted in Uncategorized | Comments (2)
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